Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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