Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
