Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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