There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
