Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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