lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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