I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish i was in the wii world.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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