I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
