took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
