I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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