Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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