shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We left an ass print on the piano.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
