mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
