Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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