a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
