Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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