There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
