I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
What drink are we having for lunch?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
