We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
