I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
