I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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