he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
