would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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