If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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