thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
