I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
