her vagine was all disorganized.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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