onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
