This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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