I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
