I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
