how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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