Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
