Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(830): View more from Texas

You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin

Fav 7 1187 2027
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.

Fav 6 2906 1980
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Fav 28 5684 1331
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(678): View more from Georgia

You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"

Fav 7 2527 826
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(612): View more from Minnesota

What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.

Fav 5 2061 1012
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(647): View more from Ontario

You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics

Fav 4 1214 633
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(206): View more from Washington

Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"

Fav 4 1070 489
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml

Fav 1 30 65
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that

Fav 0 118 18
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