My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
