Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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