I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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