im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
