Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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