what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
