I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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