LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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