i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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