I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
