Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
