So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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