He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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