okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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