so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
All I want is dick and wine.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
