You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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