yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
