Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your cock deserves a montage
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
