sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
